I know, I know, another upbeat entry from Stephanie...but I really feel like I need to get some things off my mind. No need to comment, I just need purge some thoughts.
I have never felt like more of a failure, in my life, than I have since I became a mother. I know there are a few things that I feel I do ok on, but I constantly question myself about the decisions I make regarding my kids (Nora mainly). I never know if I'm doing anything right. I'm sure it's because she's 2. When I'm out somewhere and she's acting badly I say, "I'm sorry, she's 2." Most people would nod and smile. If they've had kids they understand.
All in all Nora is a really good kid. She IS 2, so she tests us all the time, but she can be so super sweet it will melt your heart. She can be really shy and doesn't like other people getting too close to her if she doesn't know them...although a female has better luck cracking through her shell than a man. She's fairly good at saying please and thank you without having to be reminded and even says "scuse me". Nora's main issue...food.
We have struggled with Nora's eating habits since...well, since she started eating solid foods. She did great with baby food, eating anything and everything I gave her, but once she started with table food it was a different story. I always chalked it up to her lack of teeth. Poor girl didn't even get her first 2 teeth until she was 14 months old. I'll tell you what, that girl could gum food like a champ. But I always made excuses for her, thinking "oh she doesn't have teeth," or "her gums probably hurt from teething".
She now has most of her teeth (yes, she's still missing 4 of them) and she can chew just fine when she wants to. She's just really really picky and it's getting worse! I am sick, sick, sick, of people saying "oh it's just a phase". Well, this phase has lasted about a year and a half and, as I said, is getting worse.
We've tried different approaches to it, disciplining, taking away things, ignoring it...nothing seems to work. I've told myself many a time that I was just going to shrug it off but I can't. I have cried many many tears over it. I have thrown away more food than I care to admit. I watch her refuse her food day after day, night after night, meal after meal, and it kills me just about every time. I dread meal time.
I don't know if I'll ever figure out how to take care of my children. There are many days, when my patience is very thin, that I wonder why God ever allowed me to concieve these 2 kids in the first place. And sadly, I look at Emmett and feel sorry for him. Sorry that he got stuck with me. Because as much as I am sad about how I parent, I am even more sad over my reactions to how I parent. I'm upset that I'm upset. I'm impatient over my impatience. I am tired of being tired. I hope one day I can look in the mirror and be confident in the person I am. To be the wife I should be, the friend I wish I was and the mother I could only dream about.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Saying goodbye
I crawled into bed at 9pm last night, wondering how I got to this place. How did the last 2 weeks fly by me so quickly? We left for Texas knowing that my aunt Anita was in the hospital and not doing well, but knowing that if her body could hold out a few more days she could recover from the cold/pneumonia she contracted. It never did.
On my way home from Texas all I could think of was my sorrow and knowing that I needed to repack for the trip to NE. I didn't want to have to say goodbye. How do people do it? How do people say goodbye to people so close to them?
This was my aunt...a non-blood relative, who had been in my life less than 15 years. I loved her like she'd been in my life forever, but never the less, she was my aunt. I thought of my uncle Steven who had to say goodbye to his wife. This was the woman he dated for 9 years before he said "I do". He waited over 40 years to find her in the first place and now he was saying goodbye.
How did Tammy and Ed say goodbye to their mother? How did Farrah, only 18 years old, say goodbye to her grandmother? How did Chuck and John say goodbye to their sister? How did my grandmother say goodbye to her daughter-in-law? How did my mother say goodbye to the sister-in-law she loved more dearly than as her own sister?
I have felt the pain of losing my aunt and I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent, grandparent, brother, child or spouse.
As I sit here looking at a rose that was given to me from her casket, I will remember her smile and her laugh and all the joy she gave me. I'll remember her driving out to Denver, by herself, to help co-host Nora's baby shower. I'll remember her beautiful singing voice, and our impromptu duet at a family gathering many years ago. I'll remember the joy she brought to my mother and all their trips to Hawaii together. All remember the love between her and my uncle. I will remember you Anita, always.
On my way home from Texas all I could think of was my sorrow and knowing that I needed to repack for the trip to NE. I didn't want to have to say goodbye. How do people do it? How do people say goodbye to people so close to them?
This was my aunt...a non-blood relative, who had been in my life less than 15 years. I loved her like she'd been in my life forever, but never the less, she was my aunt. I thought of my uncle Steven who had to say goodbye to his wife. This was the woman he dated for 9 years before he said "I do". He waited over 40 years to find her in the first place and now he was saying goodbye.
How did Tammy and Ed say goodbye to their mother? How did Farrah, only 18 years old, say goodbye to her grandmother? How did Chuck and John say goodbye to their sister? How did my grandmother say goodbye to her daughter-in-law? How did my mother say goodbye to the sister-in-law she loved more dearly than as her own sister?
I have felt the pain of losing my aunt and I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent, grandparent, brother, child or spouse.
As I sit here looking at a rose that was given to me from her casket, I will remember her smile and her laugh and all the joy she gave me. I'll remember her driving out to Denver, by herself, to help co-host Nora's baby shower. I'll remember her beautiful singing voice, and our impromptu duet at a family gathering many years ago. I'll remember the joy she brought to my mother and all their trips to Hawaii together. All remember the love between her and my uncle. I will remember you Anita, always.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
While I'm away...prayers needed
Please send all the prayers you can spare to my aunt Anita in Omaha. As I've mentioned, she's battling cancer...multiple myeloma is the name of it. She is in isolation at a transplant facility where they are doing a stem cell transplant. As it's been said, they are taking her to death's door and bringing her back up again.
During this process they are killing all her white blood cells so her body will make new ones. She ended up catching a cold which has now turned into pneumonia. Her body has yet to make new white blood cells and so the dr's have basically put her to sleep (not in a coma from what I understand...just sleeping) to help her body focus on building those cells. They are hoping things will improve in 3-4 days.
I am having a hard time thinking of anything but her right now, so please send good thoughts and prayers her way. By putting her in isolation they were hoping to avoid something like this happening, but it did, and now all they can do is monitor her, wait, and hope her body starts recovering.
During this process they are killing all her white blood cells so her body will make new ones. She ended up catching a cold which has now turned into pneumonia. Her body has yet to make new white blood cells and so the dr's have basically put her to sleep (not in a coma from what I understand...just sleeping) to help her body focus on building those cells. They are hoping things will improve in 3-4 days.
I am having a hard time thinking of anything but her right now, so please send good thoughts and prayers her way. By putting her in isolation they were hoping to avoid something like this happening, but it did, and now all they can do is monitor her, wait, and hope her body starts recovering.
Leaving on a jet plane..
Don't worry, I'll be back on Monday. ;)
We are going to San Antonio to visit Jim's older brother and his family. They are really great people and I'm looking forward to visiting them. To be honest though, packing for an infant and a toddler...not so fun.
Even MORE fun...some people came into work this last week with colds and now I'M sick. It just came on this morning and has gotten worse as the day has gone on. I think I should wear a mask while on the plane tomorrow. lol Worse than that, I haven't been sparing with my affection to my children the last couple days and I'm sure at least ONE of the them will end up with this...and that STINKS!
::getting on my soapbox::
I know we all need money. Times are tough, cash isn't flowing in like it used to, but if you are sick and going to be working side by side with people STAY HOME!! I'm so aggrivated knowing exactly who I caught this from.
So, I'm off to take my shower and hit the sack. I THINK I'm ready for the trip...ready as I'll ever be.
We are going to San Antonio to visit Jim's older brother and his family. They are really great people and I'm looking forward to visiting them. To be honest though, packing for an infant and a toddler...not so fun.
Even MORE fun...some people came into work this last week with colds and now I'M sick. It just came on this morning and has gotten worse as the day has gone on. I think I should wear a mask while on the plane tomorrow. lol Worse than that, I haven't been sparing with my affection to my children the last couple days and I'm sure at least ONE of the them will end up with this...and that STINKS!
::getting on my soapbox::
I know we all need money. Times are tough, cash isn't flowing in like it used to, but if you are sick and going to be working side by side with people STAY HOME!! I'm so aggrivated knowing exactly who I caught this from.
So, I'm off to take my shower and hit the sack. I THINK I'm ready for the trip...ready as I'll ever be.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Grocery goods
Alright, so obviously the Frugal Friday thing isn't going to work. Whatever, no biggy. Maybe no one even reads these posts so no one cares anyway, but I guess I'll still do them, if for no other reason than my own amusement.
I went over to Byer's General Store again yesterday. They had Shur Fine canned vegetables for 39 cents a can. Since their 30 cent sale a couple weeks ago did not include peas I had to go and stock up on those. They also had 8oz cans of Tomato sauce for 19 cents. I love having a few of those on hand for stews, roasts, etc. I would have picked up some fresh veggies but we are heading out of town this next week so I didn't see a big need for that.
King Soopers has their Cart Buster Event this week but, honestly, I'm not too impressed. That said, there are a few items I'll take advantage of...I just won't be busting my cart over it. Jim's a big fan of Toaster Studel's so I'll pick up some of those. At $1.99 plus the $1/2 coupon from coupons.com and the newspaper that's a pretty good deal. I'll also pick up some Duracell Batteries. The small packs are on sale for $1.99, and with $1 coupons from the newspaper that's a great buy. Having kids you know you always need to have various batteries on hand.
Honestly, those are the main items that stood out for me. In their regular ad, they have BOGO strawberries and mushrooms so I might have to get a few of those to use before we head out of town. They also have DiGiorno and C.P.K. frozen pizza's for $4.47, which is a great sale price. Coupons.com and the newpaper always have coupons for them and those are some of my favorite frozen pizza's to buy.
IF people are interested, I can do more with these posts...linking to coupons (if I can figure out how to get the link to work), etc etc. I just know there are better blogs out there than mine...people who have the time and energy to do it. I really like Bargain Blessings. She's local and does a great run thru of grocery ads and lots of other great deals that are out there. She's at http://www.bargainblessings.com/
I went over to Byer's General Store again yesterday. They had Shur Fine canned vegetables for 39 cents a can. Since their 30 cent sale a couple weeks ago did not include peas I had to go and stock up on those. They also had 8oz cans of Tomato sauce for 19 cents. I love having a few of those on hand for stews, roasts, etc. I would have picked up some fresh veggies but we are heading out of town this next week so I didn't see a big need for that.
King Soopers has their Cart Buster Event this week but, honestly, I'm not too impressed. That said, there are a few items I'll take advantage of...I just won't be busting my cart over it. Jim's a big fan of Toaster Studel's so I'll pick up some of those. At $1.99 plus the $1/2 coupon from coupons.com and the newspaper that's a pretty good deal. I'll also pick up some Duracell Batteries. The small packs are on sale for $1.99, and with $1 coupons from the newspaper that's a great buy. Having kids you know you always need to have various batteries on hand.
Honestly, those are the main items that stood out for me. In their regular ad, they have BOGO strawberries and mushrooms so I might have to get a few of those to use before we head out of town. They also have DiGiorno and C.P.K. frozen pizza's for $4.47, which is a great sale price. Coupons.com and the newpaper always have coupons for them and those are some of my favorite frozen pizza's to buy.
IF people are interested, I can do more with these posts...linking to coupons (if I can figure out how to get the link to work), etc etc. I just know there are better blogs out there than mine...people who have the time and energy to do it. I really like Bargain Blessings. She's local and does a great run thru of grocery ads and lots of other great deals that are out there. She's at http://www.bargainblessings.com/
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Cancer sucks
Sorry, but there is no other way to put it.
My mom is a breast cancer survivor and I thank my lucky stars that she is doing so well. My father was diagnosed very recently with prostate cancer. After having his prostate removed, he is currently cancer free since all the cancer was inside the prostate itself.
My aunt Anita is currently going through a major cancer treament. I pray for her daily in hopes that she withstands the treaments and the recovery. They around doing major doses of chemotherapy and she is having a stem cell transplant this week.
I have other family members, and friends, who have had cancer and cancer scares. I have friends who have lost family members and friends to this horrible disease. I'm now reaching out to talk about another lovely lady in need.
Her name is Tina Adler. I've only met her a couple times, but she is a friend of a friend and a rediculously sweet person. She was VERY recently diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. The cancer is the size of a nerf football and it's also in her liver, bones and lymph nodes. She just had surgery yesterday to remove the mass, and her kidney.
If you pray, or even if you don't, please send good thoughts her way. If you can skip a Starbucks or two, her brother has made a donation site to help pay for the medical costs. You can find it here: http://pledgie.com/campaigns/9193
You can also find her site at CaringBridge here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tinaadler
(sorry, I can't figure out how to get the clicky links to work)
My mom is a breast cancer survivor and I thank my lucky stars that she is doing so well. My father was diagnosed very recently with prostate cancer. After having his prostate removed, he is currently cancer free since all the cancer was inside the prostate itself.
My aunt Anita is currently going through a major cancer treament. I pray for her daily in hopes that she withstands the treaments and the recovery. They around doing major doses of chemotherapy and she is having a stem cell transplant this week.
I have other family members, and friends, who have had cancer and cancer scares. I have friends who have lost family members and friends to this horrible disease. I'm now reaching out to talk about another lovely lady in need.
Her name is Tina Adler. I've only met her a couple times, but she is a friend of a friend and a rediculously sweet person. She was VERY recently diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. The cancer is the size of a nerf football and it's also in her liver, bones and lymph nodes. She just had surgery yesterday to remove the mass, and her kidney.
If you pray, or even if you don't, please send good thoughts her way. If you can skip a Starbucks or two, her brother has made a donation site to help pay for the medical costs. You can find it here: http://pledgie.com/campaigns/9193
You can also find her site at CaringBridge here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tinaadler
(sorry, I can't figure out how to get the clicky links to work)
$3 craft?!
It all started with some ceramic letters that I found at JoAnn's Fabric for 25 cents a piece. I've had them since I was pregnant. I actually bought them before I had told Jim that I 100% agreed on the name Emmett...so if he saw them it would have been a little happy surprise. And here it is...
Going into it, I wasn't sure exactly what my plan was. I just knew that for 25 cents a piece I could figure out something. So I took the plain white letters, used some craft paint I already had, and dolled them up.
The picture frame was one I had previously used but it had been sitting in storage and I wasn't intending to hang the picture back up in our house.
I used cardboard from a box in the garage and bought a piece of remnant fabric ($1.50) from JoAnn's to stretch and adhere to the cardboard to make the background.
The lines of tan and blue are scrap pieces of leather that have been sitting with some of my craft items.
To rehash that:
frame - free
cardboard - free
fabric - $1.50
scraps of leather - free
paint for letters - free
letters - $1.50
I know, I know, ultimately yes I did pay for that frame at some point, and the paint, and the leather...I don't remember where it came from. BUT, as far as supplies purchased for this craft - $3.00
It doesn't look professional...things I make rarely ever do, but what the heck. It's now a part of Emmett's room good, bad, or otherwise.
Going into it, I wasn't sure exactly what my plan was. I just knew that for 25 cents a piece I could figure out something. So I took the plain white letters, used some craft paint I already had, and dolled them up.
The picture frame was one I had previously used but it had been sitting in storage and I wasn't intending to hang the picture back up in our house.
I used cardboard from a box in the garage and bought a piece of remnant fabric ($1.50) from JoAnn's to stretch and adhere to the cardboard to make the background.
The lines of tan and blue are scrap pieces of leather that have been sitting with some of my craft items.
To rehash that:
frame - free
cardboard - free
fabric - $1.50
scraps of leather - free
paint for letters - free
letters - $1.50
I know, I know, ultimately yes I did pay for that frame at some point, and the paint, and the leather...I don't remember where it came from. BUT, as far as supplies purchased for this craft - $3.00
It doesn't look professional...things I make rarely ever do, but what the heck. It's now a part of Emmett's room good, bad, or otherwise.
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