I have decided that some people are born with that innate ability to be a fantastic mom. They are just naturally nurturing, calm and collected. They can be silly on a whim, deal with 4 hours of sleep with poise and grace and can stop a tantrum in it's tracks.
I am not one of those women.
This isn't a pity party, necessarily. I'm not going to sit here and say, oh I'm such a bad mom. Some days I feel like I have failed myself, my husband and both my children and all I want to do is crawl into bed and just hide under the covers until the sun comes up the next morning and I can try again. But I think many mother's have those days.
What I am saying is that I feel like, unlike most mother's, I have make an extra effort to be a "good" mom. You know, like how there are some kids who breeze through school and then there are those who aren't naturally book smart but who have to study really really hard to get straight A's. I'm the sort who has to study really hard.
I was not born with that easy going spirit. My patience meter is really low. I'm not the mom who is able to whip up craft time on a whim. I, selfishly, want to spend way too much time by myself instead of doing activities with them because I feel like I have so much to do...all, the, time. I have 2 children who are terribly picky eaters and I have NO IDEA what to do about it because NOTHING I've done has worked. (sorry...random rant there...)
I wake up every morning with the intention that today will be different. Today I will laugh more, smile more, read more books, do a craft, not raise my voice and not use the T.V. to babysit my children for a couple hours (spread out throughout the day, just to note). This morning I woke up and, because my daughter decided that 5:50am was an appropriate time to wake up for the day, I was frustrated (with her and myself) and in tears before 7am.
I am glad that tomorrow is a new day.
I am glad that God has blessed me with my children because I know so many who would be ever so grateful to deal with this "problem".
I am glad that I must be at least a halfway decent mother because if I wasn't I wouldn't be writing a blog post about how I feel like I wasn't cut out to be a mom.
I'm glad that I had 2 children who went right to bed this evening, with no qualms, so I had peace and quiet for the last 3 hours.
Maybe tomorrow will be the day that really is different...